Anger is one of those pesky lower nafs qualities that inhibit our ability to strengthen our imaan as it fills us with dissatisfaction, hatred and vengeance. This leaves no room for the qualities that make our imaan strong like contentment, love, mercy, forgiveness and understanding. Anger can occur in many degrees within us and is triggered by various aspects of our lower self. There are much more complex forms of anger but the anger I refer to here is basic anger (not anger based on being oppressed, abused etc).
Here are some of the triggers:
The ego’s desire for status: Many of our desires are motivated by a need for status and to be admired. We may think that something like a degree or wealth or a specific car, phone, house etc will bring us status and begin striving towards it or just feel entitled to it and not do anything else. If we do not achieve our desire we begin feeling dissatisfied and angry at the world, Allah (swt) or some external scapegoat who we blame for not assisting us in achieving our desire.
The ego’s desire for admiration and respect: If someone hurts us, be it cutting in front of us in a supermarket line or a very personal betrayal our ego is bruised. Our sense of self-respect is shattered just for a moment when the person who cut the line disrespects us by pushing past and we feel angry. How dare this person cut in front of ME? (this may not be a conscious thought but the feelings that result are still the same. The delay may be a few seconds and yet we seethe with anger because the person did not treat us with respect. If it is a more personal betrayal by someone we love, we can experience immense pain because betrayal leads to a feeling of being unloved (How could they do this to ME? ME?, what’s wrong with me?) and this makes our ego angry at the betrayer and ourselves.
The ego’s sense of identity: Our ego builds up a sense of our identity based on its desires and our achievements and characteristics. It uses our personality traits, possessions, interests, achievements, and ambitions etc to build up this identity, which it hopes will bring it love. The second any of these things are threatened, for example, a person who identifies himself as being funny is told he is not, he begins to feel angry at the message bearer or himself. Similarly, if something else we see as being part of our ‘identity’ is in danger of being taken by someone else we can become angry. For example, you have an ambition to become a chef and are studying hard to become one. Meanwhile, your friend has a natural talent for cooking and lands a job as a chef without even trying too hard. This makes you mad because being a chef is ‘yours’.
Self-conceit: When we think we are the best and someone or something challenges that illusion anger can rear its ugly head.
Pride: We think that we are ‘all that’ and no one, absolutely no one, should mess with us, criticize us, tell us what to do or air an opinion that is against our own. If anyone challenges us, our opinion, attitudes, values, decisions, way of life etc we get angry because they are disrespecting our superiority (self-awarded or not) and our identity. Pride in belonging to a group is also the cause of group anger that can be quite destructive. For example, a group of soccer supporters whose team loses a match can begin acting like angry hooligans because their pride is hurt by the jeers of the opposing team’s fans as well as the loss of their team. After all, they have identified themselves with this team and the failure of the team translates to the failure of the individual who chose it. Another way that pride could lead to anger is when we take pride in our way of doing things and get angry when someone else does it differently or says any different.
Daily Task
Identifying your anger triggers
* List the common things that make you angry, be it little things like someone changing lanes without indicating or something bigger like having your ambition to become a doctor thwarted by some outside force.
* Why do these things make you angry?
* Who makes you angry?
* What about these people makes you angry?
* Why does this make you angry?
* Look at each one of your answers; can you identify any of the triggers mentioned above as being responsible for your anger?
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