The best way to deal with anger towards people, as with anything in life is to take on the Islamic approach. There are many practical suggestions we will get to that Islam teaches us. First, though let us look at the conceptual lesson Islam teaches us through the example of our Nabi (saw). When he was stoned by the people of Taif, Allah (swt) gave Nabi (saw) the option of destroying the town and all its people. What did he do? He chose to make dua for their forgiveness and guidance to the right path. No anger? We get angry for the smallest offense, yet the man we should be trying to emulate chose love over anger. Examples like these are too numerous to mention here but a little research will call up many.
In a book I once read about the best teaching methods for children the author said that one day her son dropped something and messed her kitchen floor. Now she took pride in her space and her first instinct was to shout at him for messing her nice shiny kitchen floor. Remembering her studies she stopped and asked herself if her presence in her child’s life was to teach him anger or to teach him something more productive, for example to be patient with his mistakes (ergo others) and learn from them. In asking herself this question she stopped herself from teaching her child anger through anger. Instead, she said something to the effect of, ‘Oh no, did you have an accident? What do you think we should do about it?’ in a non-threatening gentle manner. The child came up with some solutions (thus engaging in some positive problem solving rather than focusing on his mistake). She then proceeded to help him clean up as he suggested. She chose love over anger. To react with love is to be more concerned with the well-being and needs of the next person while to react with anger is to be more concerned with your own needs and expectations not being fulfilled.
Daily Task: Work-out your anger against people
Here are some practical suggestions, some of which are from the Sunnah of our beloved Nabi (saw):
To say Taawooz: I seek refuge in Allah swt from shaytaan the accursed (sunnah). Shaytaan feeds of anger so we need to seek refuge in Allah (swt).
Make wudhu, if this does not work then make ghusal (sunnah.)
If you are sitting, stand, if you are standing sit, if this does not work then lie down (sunnah)
Remain silent (sunnah). This is self-explanatory. A lot of the consequences of anger can be avoided if one remains silent at the time.
Do something nice for the person immediately, even if it is simply saying something nice to them. This is tough but it does work.
Try to make excuses for the person’s behavior.
Ask yourself why you are angry.
Ask yourself if your anger is selfish i.e triggered by your ego.
If it is triggered by your ego remind yourself that you are not on this earth to gain the respect and admiration of people but to strive to please Allah (swt). Besides everything you are is from Allah, so you are nothing except what He has made you. Now ask yourself why it is so important this person show you respect, listen to you, follow your way? Is it for the pleasure of Allah?
If the person has made you angry due to something they have done wrong Islamically, morally and ethically ask yourself what is the best way to help this person to progress in their deen. After all is this about proving ourselves right (except this is Allah’s way so it is not us that is right) or is it about loving another for the pleasure of Allah and helping them to gain closeness to Him?
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